I've sat here many times, waiting for life to kick the butt of the person who did me wrong, hoping that his suffering would make him understand mine, and I could then stop hurting and feel justified. Life really doesn't happen that way. I mean, you may get "lucky" and live long enough to see somebody get their "just dues", but what does that really solve, except to fuel your anger and thirst for vengeance...meaning, you're still suffering?
Karma is different from the Laws of the Universe, such as, if you pollute your drinking water, you won't have clean water to drink. This is just common sense. Karma has more to do with ongoing emotional "punishment and reward" scenarios between people, that continue from lifetime to lifetime. Karma is chosen.
I often get asked by clients what my views are on karma. Here is what I responded to someone today:
"Karma...I have different views probably than most. I don't think life makes us suffer because we did something bad, or rewards us because we did something good. People may tend to do this, but not God or the Universe or Life or whatever you want to call the creative force. I think we reincarnate over and over. We come back in, choosing to suffer because we did something in a previous life that we feel guilty about. So we choose a life to re-live where we suffer a fate similar to our previous victim. We are "atoning" for our "sins" so to speak. I believe this is why we experience deja vu...a feeling like we've been here before...because we have. We live the same lives over and over until we feel we "get it right" or learn the lesson. We also reincarnate with the same people over and over and switch roles. Lets say you had slaves that you starved and abused. You die, and before incarnating again, you may regret what you did and will choose a life where you are in a similar type of situation - maybe you are homeless starving on the streets and get beaten up. Sometimes you will choose a life that you are the victim of the actual person you enslaved. It isn't until we choose to forgive, that we get released from these unnecessary cycles. Forgiving the other people that did you wrong and forgiving yourself. Usually if someone did something to you, chances are you did something to them at another time, or you feel you deserve to suffer for something you did that you most likely don't remember. (A lot of times a Past Life Regression can help you understand and resolve a lot of these repetitive cycles with specific people.) The hardest ones to forgive are the biggest lessons. It may take many tries, or it may take a lifetime to forgive, but we free ourselves when we do this. By understanding and forgiveness, you release yourself from this cycle of suffering."
Forgiveness is freedom.
Are you seeking happiness? This goal is an illusion. It is the temporary quieting of despair, anger and fear. Our outer world does not contain happiness, not in a true permanent sense. This is the trap of existence. Happiness is transitory, just as everything in the world is transitory. Are you seeking this feeling of happiness through buying, consuming, focusing on money or distracting yourself in outside pursuits? These are not wrong, but they will bring the opposite of happiness.
If happiness is an illusion, what are you seeking then? You are seeking the inner mind. You are seeking truth. You are seeking the truth that only the mind's perception alters the outer world and changes reality. With the responsibility of truth, comes peace. With inner peace comes happiness, because happiness can only be found as a byproduct of peace.
Accept the truth that how you see the world and others is how you are perceived, and how the world will come to be perceived. The inner peace that comes from truth, dispels anger and despair. When you are at peace, you can perceive and respond with love, which changes the world to a more loving place in turn, and brings moments of happiness.
Always remember, your inner perceptions will change the outer world as an aftereffect. If you are doing it backwards, you allow an insane world to shape your perceptions, which keeps you in despair, seeking a way "out". In turn, you will continue to feed anger, despair and fear, perpetuating it in the outer world. Outer "reality" reflects the inner mind. With so many seeking happiness in the world, is it any surprise we live in a world of lack, chaos and fear? Your thoughts?
A lot of times interpreting messages from the Other Side can be like talking to someone under water. Interpreting symbolic information or words spoken from another space/time dimension is difficult, not to mention the fact that usually more than one spirit shows up in a session. In my experience with going to other mediums, I have found that I am not the only one who is faced with challenges.
Before I begin opening my closet of skeletons, I want to say that I find it amusing that people think the only spirit showing up is the relative they want to speak to, when we actually "know" hundreds of dead people - relatives, ancestors, friends, co-workers, bosses, schoolmates, neighbors, church members, etc...and all the relatives and friends of these people as well, trying desperately to give someone else a message through us. Supposedly, a "good" medium will only focus on the spirit with the strongest energy or desire to speak, which is usually the one with which the client wants to speak. Unfortunately, I hear them all, so I guess that doesn't make me a Theresa Caputo. For me, sometimes the message clarity is crystal clear and specific, and other times it comes through from a seeming room at the other end of the house with soundproofing walls to boot. Sometimes I think I am talking with one person, and then several spirits jump in without revealing who they are. When I can hear all of them at the same time, it makes it difficult to know who is speaking or showing me something.
"Anyone who knows someone who was shot in the head, stand up."
I will relate two experiences I myself have had as the client. The first was with the famous John Edward, an amazing medium, who can deliver a message (without knowing you), that you were standing in the gift shop at Disney World buying a Mickey Mouse doll, when you felt the presence of your dead father.... Remember that? I was sitting in an audience of hundreds, watching John live with my friend Cindy. Before the session, I was silently telling my boyfriend "Johnny" that he better show up and bring in Cindy's grandfather (since people on the Other Side can bring in other people with them). Well, lo and behold, John Edward comes to my section and asks if any of us knew a man who shot himself in the head and committed suicide. No one raised their hand. John was struggling. Finally, after about five minutes, he said, "Anyone who knows someone who was shot in the head, stand up." I was the only one in the room who did. My sister's boyfriend, who was coincidentally named "Johnny", as well, was shot in the head. He was minding a retail store for a friend, and was killed by a gunman robbing the store. I responded with, "...but he didn't commit suicide." Well, it was my sister's boyfriend, and he had messages for me to deliver to her. And in came Cindy's grandfather...yay!
"...due to a crazy ex trying to kill me..."
I always wondered about that day, why John Edward had gotten so confused with the details. Well, it wasn't until about 6 years later, that looking back I realized both Johnny's had shown up together. They had the same name, so imagine how confusing that must have been for John Edward. My boyfriend Johnny had been killed on a motorcycle. He had a heart condition, and was not supposed to do anything strenuous. He was killed going down a ravine holding his chest...coincidentally on the turn-off of the road where I used to live. (They thought it was due to his bad heart). You see, I had moved away, was going through a really bad time due to a crazy ex trying to kill me (not Johnny), had met someone else, and was getting married. He found out my news the day before my wedding, drove to the store and bought the motorcycle. I always felt at the back of my mind that Johnny had killed himself. The day of my marriage, I was hoping Johnny would show up and stop the ceremony (as I knew I was making a mistake), not knowing he was already gone. I think the session with John Edward was Johnny's way of letting me know, now that I was ready for the news, that he had taken his own life.
My second experience with a "confused" medium was during a live group session with Carl Woodall, a well-known medium in Atlanta. He was speaking to a spirit named "Mike", who was wanting to get a message to the brother of someone in the audience. Carl kept pointing at a woman and asking her over and over if she had a brother with a friend who had passed away, named Mike. The woman repeatedly denied this. Actually, no one in the audience had a brother who lost a friend named Mike...except me, that is. He had this woman come and sit next to me, which by the way was the only empty seat in the house (the room was packed full with people sitting on the floor, yet the woman next to me suddenly got up and left, leaving an empty seat). With this woman now sitting next to me, Carl said, "Mike says the brother owned a mini bike." Now, I was sure this message was for me, and not the other woman, but I didn't want to interrupt Carl. Finally Carl looked at me and said, "Is this message for you?" In summary, my brother's friend had passed away about six months earlier. Being much younger, I did not know Mike well, but the last time I would have seen him was when I was a teenager, up at my parent's lake house where my brother kept his mini bike. At that time, I would have looked a lot like the woman Carl originally thought the message was directed toward. Maybe Mike was confused, knowing I was there, but having trouble finding me in the audience, just like my sister's boyfriend, Johnny, whom I had only met once. Carl had the extremely difficult job of having to solve the confusion, and I find it really interesting the way Spirit works, arranging the seat next to me to be vacant, drawing the attention over to me.
My message with this blog? Don't shoot the messenger!
Do you have a similar story? Please share!
My boyfriend Andrew's grandmother is on the other side, but she is responsible in a sense for us meeting each other, and has given us confirmation that our relationship was destined. You see, my boyfriend and I are 18 years and eleven months apart in age, which neither of us wanted, much less wanting to break that news to family members.
My story starts with an astrology class that I was teaching in a local metaphysical shop named "Catalpa Tree" up here in Indiana. It was the fall of 2013, and I had just moved here recently from Atlanta. The manager of the shop told me that a gentleman had some questions about astrology charts and was thinking about taking a couple classes. I was a little worried, because psychically I had a sense that there was going to be a man in class who would be difficult, and the Holy Spirit told me to study up on some "way out there" concepts, because he may challenge me in class. It turned out Andrew, was the man with the astrology question, but it was another gentleman who was the difficult person. I didn't really notice Andrew that day, or in the other classes, as I was focused on teaching, and was not looking for or wanting a boyfriend. I didn't even "notice" him when he invited me to lunch to look at his astrology chart. I remember him asking about his marriage, and I tried to be positive, pointing out they were both Libras etc. The next time I saw him in class, he told me he had just asked for a divorce, and had moved out. It was a good month and a half later after a class, that I actually noticed Andrew, (although it was at the back of my mind and ignored) and realized we had a connection. We became involved about three weeks later, but neither of us was taking it seriously. We both felt like the other was our "Twin Flame" see my blog on Twin Flames, so needless to say, it somehow got serious.
It was late at night, a few months later, that an older woman came to me from the other side. Andrew was reading a book, and I told him there was a woman with curly brown hair that had a slight coppery quality wanting to talk with me. I thought her eyes were green. She confirmed she was Andrew's grandmother on his mother's side. She said the name "Earl", which I thought I had heard wrong, because I had a classmate from high school named Earl visit me earlier that week. What was odd was that Earl and I never talked or hung out in high school, but he carved out time to visit me while he was here. A few days after Earl's visit, a client was telling me an involved story about a man named Earl. I remarked that that was two Earls in one week (I know of no other Earls in my life). Now, Andrew's grandmother was saying the name "Earl". Andrew explained that it was her husband's middle name. Funny that she chose that name to confirm herself to me. It is always a crazy synchronicity like that. She gave a lot of information about herself, a lot of which I cannot remember, but she did say that I had helped Andrew onto a better path than the one he was going to take. One thing in particular stands out in my memory from our conversation. She kept saying over and over, "He is my son. I'm proud of my son", and "That's my son" (pointing to him). I asked Andrew what this meant. He said that she had always thought of him as her son. I said, "Yes, but I'm getting the sense from her that she means you were her actual son in another life."
A few days later, I was invited to a family Easter party on Andrew's mother's side of the family. There on the wall was a photo of Andrew and his grandmother. She was definitely the person I saw and spoke with a few nights earlier. When we got home from the party, Andrew suddenly remembered reading some notes of his grandmother's that she had taken while getting a psychic reading. The psychic had told her that Andrew had been her son in a past life. She also told her that after she died, it would be very easy for her to talk with Andrew! "He is my son." Grandma was trying to jog Andrew's memories of her notes to confirm her identity to him. She was also saying in a way, that he and I were meant to be together, as I was the means for him to speak with her after she passed, just as the psychic had predicted.
Note: I was told by the owner of Catalpa Tree Shop that Andrew's grandmother was the very first customer to walk through their doors when it opened 27 years ago. It seems fitting that this is where Andrew and I met.
Do you notice any synchronicities in your life connected to loved ones who have passed on?
(Warning: This article may contain beliefs that will be threatening not only to one's ego, but disturbing to one's viewpoint, and so therefore I ask for an open mind, as I do not ever write anything without extensive experience, decades of study, deep contemplation, and having gone through this loss with a boyfriend and friends.) To answer this question, one must first define hell, the "other side", what is going on there, and if hell actually exists outside the ego mind belief. When we cross over (taking into consideration a belief in reincarnation here), the "Other Side" is exactly what we expect it to be. I mean that statement as literal. Having said that, exactly who are these beings on the other side who control everything and "teach" us - helping us to "progress"? By "these beings" I refer to the so-called guides who help souls progress from different levels, mentioned by various authors, such as Michael Newton and Sylvia Browne. Who are these beings? For myself, I believe they are beings that perpetrate themselves as either "of the light" or "of the dark", to keep this whole unnecessary cycle of reincarnating continuing ad nauseam. I personally do not trust anything that tries to teach me how to be a lightworker, or an accomplish of the dark. I no longer participate in the game of light against dark, as it is only just that - a game, and the only way to escape it is to forgive this world, this cosmos and the other side as the holographic illusion that it really is. Sylvia Browne did hit on one part of it when she said there was a final stage you get to where the soul goes back to God. The problem is these "beings" create the temptation of staying in the reincarnation cycle, by urging us to review our lives and correct our "mistakes", but how many mistakes can actually be made in an illusion?
So, what happens, then if someone commits suicide? Depending on the individual's belief, they will go to a perception that lives out what they think their soul corresponds to - this light or dark side. So, if a person commits suicide, because they want to make other's pay for hurting them, they may be aligning themselves with a dark agenda and go to a place of imagined suffering. Remember its all a holographic perception, even over there. If they took their life because they were worn out and could not go on, or other non-vindictive reasons, they cross over, heal and recover. When I ask where the soul is, the spiritual heirarchy or lightworker perpetrators may tell me the individual is making a choice to accept self-love and then they can fully cross over, but I know this is merely the asking of the individual to choose light or dark. Essentially, they are not being taught real love, in which there is no separation between souls, but are tricked (as we are here) of continuing the idea that we are all separate ego personalities with different destinies. The choice for the soul, then is where they want to visit on that side. Hell-like or heaven-like? So, it is no different for a suicide or anyone else crossing over where they end up - its a self-perception choice.
This may seem disturbing to you reading this, who have lost loved ones to suicide or by other means. Believing that everything happening on the other side is a game can seem hopeless, but it truly is just an extension of what goes on here on Earth. An endless cycle of birth and death is unnecessary, because there is a true Heaven. This is oneness with God, the choice to return to God, giving up the unreal creations of the ego-self, and thereby exiting the reincarnation cycle altogether.
Similar explanations to this can be seen from a variety of perspectives, such as David Icke's belief in an alien Reptilian matrix universe that we are caught in, but whatever the belief, the common ground here is that this universe is a hologram, does not exist, and the ultimate spiritual goal is to traverse it. Suicides, in my opinion, and in my experience of contacting them after death, are the same as regular deaths. They do not reincarnate back immediately through a revolving door, as some suggest, unless they actually choose that. They are not punished or treated any differently other than how they believe that they should suffer or be rewarded.
This article requires some study to understand the deeper concepts I am suggesting here. Please feel free to share your comments.
It was the fall of 1992, and I was 24 years old when my Spirit Guides first told me I needed to choose whether I wanted to keep on living, or die. I was working night shift at a hotel, and as business was very slow in the middle of the night, I would pass the time channeling. I was asking my usual mundane questions, like "Am I ever going to find a better job?", and "Is this guy right for me?", when I was offered the opportunity to die. At first I thought I had heard wrong, and so I asked what they were talking about. My guides said, "You are about to enter a very long phase of your life that will be incredibly difficult and painful, and so you have the opportunity to leave now if you feel you are not ready to go through this." To say the least, I was shocked, and then panicked. Couldn't they just stick to simple stuff like romance and career? Geez! I was given no other information than this, so being 24, and just beginning my life, of course I said I would like to go on living. I hadn't prepared to die yet; hadn't even thought about it. Well, about two weeks later, I began what turned out to be a twenty-one year stretch of pure hell. Interestingly enough, I was ready for death at particularly difficult times, but looking back, I knew I was clearing incredible amounts of karma and evolving spiritually. I knew I had come into this life to focus on spiritual growth, above all else.
Just as my life was starting to get good, my second, I'll call it "Death Doorway", was offered again in the fall of 2013. Once again, I was told I could leave or stay. After that last stint, I have to say I was contemplating taking the easy way out (even though I knew if I died my sisters would kill me). My guides were so "helpful" with information again, as they said, "Be sure to make the right choice." The right choice? Hmm.... I actually pondered it for awhile this time, as I knew if I had to go through such extreme experiences again, I didn't have the strength of spirit to endure. I had never talked about any of this with anyone, but I decided to confide in one of my psychic friends, and she had been getting ultimatums as well. So, I was not the only one. I had always felt that we all have doorways that we set up to leave if things got too difficult, but most people are unaware, not tuning into their guidance - and I can't blame them, because who would really want to know this kind of thing? Well, I decided to stay again, because I didn't go through that twenty years of hell for nothing. I was told I made the right choice.
My final doorway...I was told on March 7th of this year that in 3 years, 5 months and 6 days, I would have achieved what I wanted in this life, and could once again leave or stay at that time. If I stayed, I would live another 50 years if I wanted to, and that it would be very important to a certain individual's path if I did stay. I would also be of much needed help to others. When 2017 gets here, I'll get to decide...not really something I'm looking forward to...but I'll keep you posted.
Do you have an experience with Death Doorways, or had experiences where you felt that you should have died but didn't?
We've all heard of soulmates, but now the "new" thing seems to be attracting your Twin Flame (also called Twin Soul or Twin Self). Well, not so new, as I heard about Twin Flames back in the late 80's, and I switched my focus from finding a soulmate to finding a Twin Flame. I didn't have much luck, as the Universe and God didn't agree that I needed to meet mine yet. Over the years, a friend introduced me to Elizabeth Claire Prophet's information on the Violet Flame and calling in your Twin Flame. With somewhat less enthusiasm, but still motivated, I said the invocations, calling to my Twin, wherever he was. I read all the descriptions of what a Twin Flame relationship would be like, and then...nothing happened. Again. It was here I began to doubt, and accredited all the descriptions of this amazing cosmic love as cornball and made up.
I was sailing through soulmates, by this point, well-versed in the ins and outs of dysfunction, co-dependence and red flags. It almost got to the point of, "Hi my name is...oh never mind, we're done." I still had hope, though that a great partner for me existed, even though I was in the throes of a truly painful relationship at the time. I decided to break it off and try something else. I read a book entitled, "Calling in the One: 7 Weeks to finding the Love of your Life", or something like that. It was an amazing book, and I did attract a man into my life....the same man I had just broken up with, and then it ended, again.
After a good 25 or so years of searching, my dreams of wanting a partner had been finally and officially stamped out of me. I no longer desired someone, and was finding great joy with my cats and the thought of being single for the rest of my life. A true Cat Lady in the making! This peaceful time lasted for about 2.5 months, when suddenly in walked my Twin Flame. He was gorgeous, 18 years younger, spiritually evolved, kind-hearted and ready to believe in Twin Flames. As we read the descriptions together, it was as if we were reading about ourselves. (I list some links below that he and I looked at together).
Meeting your Twin is a process of unfoldment. If one is desiring to meet their Twin in this life, and puts out the desire to manifest this, the process then begins. Usually this involves going through any number of soulmate relationships first, until one learns the lessons needed and achieves enough spiritual growth to be in a high enough space to meet the other half of themselves. One twin will usually have to go through several soulmates, and the other maybe only one or two. The relationship is not going to be perfect, as nothing is in the world of duality, but it does, as my Twin put it, "bring you a sense of completion." If feels as though there isn't anything else you're wanting or looking for, as you already have it. This doesn't mean you don't have personal goals, but rather that you feel whole again. You can be whole unto yourself in a sense, but joining together with another is natural and more toward a sense of unity than separation and aloneness. The feeling with a Twin Flame is one of freedom, even to the point of not holding the relationship down to a time line, but enjoying it for as long as you are together.
Have you met your Twin Flame, or do you have soulmates in your life? I'd love to hear about it!
As marijuana becomes more and more accepted, I write this as a drowned-out voice in the masses, relating here the drug's possible connection to dark entity attachments and its detrimental effects (added to many others) on our inherent intuition and psychic abilities.
NOTE: I mean no disrespect to those using this drug for medical purposes.
I felt pushed to write this blog for two reasons:
1. Upon hearing about a friend's disturbing experience with marijuana, using it for the first time (of course under pressure from those she was with) in her forties.
2. My guides have been pushing me to write this
3. Ok, 3 reasons, for the sake of children and their increasingly easy access to this drug.
I first began noticing marijuana's connection to demonic entities, way back before I even wanted to believe in dark forces (I believed if you didn't believe in them, they weren't real...oh so wrong as I found out years later). It was the mid 90's, and one of my closest friends was a yoga instructor. He was a former competing body builder, who turned to yoga and vegetarianism. He was what I call a yoga master. He performed the asanas every day without fail for 1.5 - 2 hours/day, followed by teaching several yoga classes. There was not an ounce of fat on this man's body, nor a tight muscle. He was buff, and so flexible he could go into positions I've only seen in the circus. One day I was talking with him, and I said, "Do you know that you have a demonic entity attached to your low back (right side)? I think its from smoking pot. Are you smoking pot?" (Being a psychic, sometimes things just come to me from out of nowhere, and I was in shock that he, a yoga instructor and obsessed with eating healthy, might be using this drug.) He said that he was, and what was the big deal anyway? I said, "Smoking pot has opened a portal and you have a demon attached to your low back." He was laughing and blowing me off at this point. Three weeks later, he pulled his right lower back and could not do any yoga. I said, "Remember you have an entity attached there." He responded, "No, its just my weak area. I pull it every once in awhile." I thought to myself, "Yes, I'm sure you do."
As the years went by, and I began doing the entity removal and clearing work, I started to see more and more, that the use of any mind-altering drugs were opening portals so any dark entity could have easy access and attach to a person. I liken it to one just opening up the door for them. (If you want to see some of the effects these attachments could have on you, I describe possible symptoms here.) Add to this that mind-altering drugs, whether they be prescription or otherwise, have a detrimental effect on your natural psychic ability. Long term use can cause you to lose this ability permanently from burning out these centers. I feel strongly that this is why my guides have always led me away from drug use, giving me a horror of drugs when I was a child.
I am not alone in my thoughts on this. I go on what I see in my work and experience for the last 20 years. Here are some links from others who have used marijuana, and have come to some of the same conclusions as this blog:
What are your thoughts?
A personal story of my spiritual journey.
Does God exist? This is a question that has plagued me my entire life, but in my years of searching, I have come to recognize that the answer to this question does not lie in books, other people's beliefs or religion. These things can lead you to an answer sometimes, but God is an experience.
I began my spiritual path raised as a Catholic. After 19 years of
church Sundays, religion classes and studying the Bible, I no longer wanted to hear about God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I wasn't necessarily Athiest, because that was illogical to me and depressing, but I did need a break from the Bible and the Catholic view of God. I was angry, because what I was taught had contradictions, and God couldn't be that stupid to constantly contradict himself. Or herself. Of whatever the case may be. I spent 2 years from age 19-21 blocking all of that out, God, Jesus and Holy Spirit, so I could figure out what I believed, not what I was told to believe. Its like when you are trying to think of the name of a song, and you have to shut the radio off, because the song that is currently playing is distracting you from remembering.
I was 21 and living in a small apartment in New York City at the time, in a room that was half of a kitchen with a bed, dresser and plenty of roaches, but such is affordable living in New York! I was reading an Elvis biography, a book by Larry Geller about Elvis' little known spiritual life and quest. Elvis was studying a lot of metaphysical material until, according to the book, Priscilla made him burn all his books, because he spent too much time reading them and not enough time with her. Anyway, in this book, Mr. Geller mentioned Elvis' favorite quote from the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13 "Love is patient, love is kind..." After being away from the church for a period of time, I heard these lines in a very different way this time. I could feel them. As I read those words, I had an incredible spiritual awakening and experience of God. I could feel light coming down around me and covering me. I felt an incredible sense of joy, peace and LOVE fill me. It wasn't personal love I felt. It wasn't the immature "I love only you and not these other people." It was an all-encompassing higher love for all. It was then, in that moment that I knew God existed. There were no words to explain it to me. I just knew that GOD IS. And the feelings I felt were an experience of his true nature. It wasn't a male presence or female (I use "He" in this article for ease of writing) but a wonderment and ecstasy. I knew that anything that didn't ignite that feeling of true real love in me was not God, but a man-made description of God having a character, a body, a human personality and the like. I didn't need anyone to tell me none of that was true, but I was still brainwashed with old thought forms/teachings that would continue to haunt me until I discarded them from my conscious brain and replaced them with truth.
Hence began an intense spiritual search for answers. I was now open to hearing about God. I spent the next 15 years researching where the Bible came from, what parts were changed and when, were cut out and/or found in other books etc. so I could decipher which parts were true, and which parts were just made up mumbo jumbo. Since the general public could not read until the 1700's!!!, they believed whatever they were told by the Church. In perusing the history of the Bible, and the frequent convening of Church officials and Bishops to change the Bible message and Church beliefs, I found I just couldn't trust a document that had been altered so often and for so long. A grade school teacher had instilled in me the importance of words and their meanings. She said, "If the police were looking for a criminal in a red car with no hubcaps, would it make a difference if you said to the police officer 'I saw the car.' or 'I saw a car.' Two very small words of "a" and "the" can change the whole meaning. My lack of trust in the Bible increased when I was helping my mother clear out her books. She was throwing out a Bible printed in 1967 bc it wasn't the REAL Bible. The New American Catholic edition was the REAL Bible, having been printed in 1994. I glanced at both of them looking for differences. In Genesis, the older version says gods made the earth. The newer version said God singular. (...Hmmm could gods have meant aliens, us thinking we're gods, a misprint???...). The only way for me to recognize which snippets in the Bible contained truth, was by the way they made me feel when I read them, and the rest was just the jumbled mess of interference, deletions, misinterpretations and changes made by the Church. (who is still changing and reinterpreting the Bible,by the way.) If it made me feel bad, confused, or contradicted with something else, I threw it out of my head. Pieces of what Jesus said in the New Testament made sense, and others I could feel were made up, as I sensed his entire message was most likely misunderstood. I didn't totally reject the Bible, though, and I still felt a kinship with Jesus.
At the same time, I began reading about reincarnation, since John the Baptist was the reincarnation of the prophet Elijah (here the Bible supports reincarnation and prophecy/fortune-telling) I experienced a few past life regressions. When I looked up what I had seen in my regressions, and they proved to be true, I could no longer deny the existence of it. Nor could I deny that reincarnation was continuing to happen, with my psychic senses picking up on it as well, while doing readings for others and seeing their past lives revealed to me. I KNEW what I was seeing, and I had to piece it together somehow into an overall picture that made sense. Reincarnation was not what I was taught in religion class, that's for sure. Past lives were going on, I was having it proven to me over and over, so I chose to believe, because it made logical sense, and it felt correct on a deep level, but I also knew reincarnation was a temporary condition, not the be-all-end-all, but rather designed to lead to something else much more important.
My experiences with past-life information, led me to study Buddhism for a time, and I liked the detachment practices that helped my pull away from the pains in this world. Parts of Buddhism helped me let go of things which didn't give me that sense of peace and love I had that day in my apartment in New York. I began throwing out worldly possessions to release their hold on me. After a time, this didn't work for me, as I found myself without things I needed, and Buddhism was missing a HUGE fundamental element...God. I didn't think God wanted any of us to give up anything we needed. What would be the point? I believed Buddha achieved a state of enlightenment, where he realized he was not of this body, but I didn't really know if he had broken free of the need to reincarnate, returning to God at the end of that life. So I kept on with other studies I was into as well, and left Buddhism behind, which was a beautiful religion, but not enough for me.
During all of this I also studied Pagan beliefs, which were the origin of a lot of Christian holidays and a lot of the Catholic rituals. I loved their connections to nature. I sensed my own pagan past lives. The pagans I was around wanted me to believe that Jesus didn't exist. He was made up as a replacement for their gods, when Christianity was declared the official religion, and the Church's holidays were celebrated around pagan holidays to get pagans on board with Jesus. They had already gotten a lot of Gentiles with the program, by writing/creating the New Testament stories to reflect/prove the old Jewish scriptures of a coming Messiah. Several hundred years later, they wanted pagans to stop their forms of worship and conform as well. So Jesus' life events mirror almost exactly the events of the life of Bacchus/Dionysus and other gods, with a virgin mother, born on Dec. 25 etc. BUT, this does not mean that Jesus wasn't an actual historic figure, like they wanted me to believe. I knew deep within me that he had existed, and Pagans or Atheists were not going to get me to believe otherwise. (But I still didn't want much to do with Jesus in my spiritual life...other than still being interested in attempting to prove that he actually existed. I liked him, after all.). Pagan literature also wanted me to believe the Holy Spirit does not exist. According to them, it was what the Christians made up to replace the existence of the feminine side of God. The Holy Mother got deleted from their patriarchal control of the masses. I didn't sense that God was a product of opposites like this world of male and female. (When new agers used to pray to the Mother/Father God, it seemed strange to me). I felt a oneness about God that didn't have separations or distinctions, but I took this Holy-Spirit-disguising-the Mother-God-principle belief on anyway, because I hadn't come across a better explanation for the Holy Spirit. Was it the Holy Spirit that descended on me that day in New York, giving me a sense of God? I was seeing so much through my psychic abilities on top of all of this, so I needed to put the puzzle together and find the truth. Paganism also had some really nasty origins, and my pagan friends were practicing spell work, which gave me some first-hand experience on black magic (being a recipient and watching others suffer). I kept searching. It
was only until very recently, 20 years after my NY experience that I did find answers. I can now say I found the truth (even after being taught by many new age philosophies that you can never find the truth, and to believe you have found it shows your ignorance, lack of spiritual evolvement and ego). But truth I did
find. I think if it wasn't there to discover, I wouldn't have been driven to search. Jesus wouldn't have asked us to seek. For me, in my spiritual practice, (which is daily living for me), the Holy Spirit is real. Jesus was a real person like you and me, who accomplished the extraordinary...the ultimate goal of exiting the cycle of reincarnation and returning to God. Jesus is here to help me do the same. And God is real. God is. And because "God Is", one does not have to believe or even know of His existence to be part of His oneness. One just has to find Love. It is always a free will choice. He does not side with anything. To side with something
would make it impossible for Him to be omnipresent. It would be impossible to say "God Is" and still have the total truth in just those two words. I can't give you an experience of God, I can only share my own. Many
blessings to all on your own journey to your truth, whatever and wherever that may lead you in this life. And Elvis, "thank you, thank you very much."
Question: What about you? Where have your feet tread along the path of your spiritual journey? What are your experiences of God? Did any of my story resonate with you?