The Attractive Quality of Setting Boundaries

Do you feel unloved by those close to you? Are you the one everybody asks, because they know you'll say "yes"? Are you everyone's door mat? Do you feel victimized? Do your relationships seem to run the same patterns? Do you feel respected? Are you unhappy with an aspect of your life? Do you always seem to have very little, or no time? Do you run on guilt? Do you get paid what you deserve? Is your job unfulfilling?

If any of the above is true, you are not fulfilling your own needs. If you do not meet your own needs, you won't create healthy boundaries, and will seek fulfillment from everyone else. This is a repelling state, instead of an attracting state. Unfulfilled needs can keep us stuck in relationships or lifestyles that aren't right for us. The first step is to address your needs, and look to you to fulfill them. The second step is to state what you will or won't allow in your life...which means its time to create boundaries. They can be written as what is not allowed in, and what is allowed in your life.

Here are a few of my own boundaries to get you started:

~People cannot waste my time. I only allow my time to be respected.

~People cannot make me feel guilty. I only allow my decisions to reflect what is right for me, not what I am being manipulated to do.

~People cannot invade my private time. I allow myself my time, no matter what.

~People cannot call me before 9am or after 9pm. I allow myself to start and end my day in peace, at a time that is comfortable for me.

~People cannot be repeatedly late when meeting me. I allow my time to be respected.

~People cannot put me in second place in intimate relationships. I allow only a partner that puts our relationship first.

~People cannot make me feel inadequate. I allow myself to be who I am.

~People cannot begin an intimate relationship with me, when not finished with the last one. I only allow those who are fully committed to share my intimate space.

~People are not allowed to make me feel obligated. I allow myself to have the freedom I need in my life.

~People cannot abuse me emotionally, physically, financially or mentally. I only allow those around me that support and uplift me.

~People cannot be dishonest with me. I only allow truth in my life.

What are yours? They need to come from you. List at least 10.

It may be easier to start with the "cannots" and then go back and write what you will allow.

The last step is to enforce your boundaries. If someone steps over one, decide what needs to be done to rectify the situation. Do not ignore it. This is the same as saying you no longer have that boundary.